I’ve been crazy busy lately and I really haven’t had time to post as much as usual. I’m in the midst of transitioning back to living at my mom’s again, I’ve put my two weeks in at one of my jobs and I’m going to start bartending soon. Time is limited when it comes to doing things that I need/want to do. My body is worn and I’m trying my best to get out of bed every day with out the urge to cry just because I want to sleep more. More and more I keep telling myself that it’s going to be worth it in the end, but I really cannot wait for it to come. Wish me luck.
I always wonder if I have followers from my city that I don’t personally know and they see me on the streets and think “I’ve seen her butt.”
So many opportunities are opening up to me as of last night. The plan to move to Portland has been in full effect for a while now. I can’t wait for my lease to be up so I can move back home and start saving up so I can flee this god forsaken state. I’ll come back to visit family and friends during the holidays, but knowing that cheap living, culture, and everything that I’ve been waiting for is in another state is just making me squirm with anxiety. I want to leave. I want to start the life I’ve been yearning for, what I was purposed to do. Finally, I’m not scared for once.
The human body amazes me. Your eyes can see one thing, your heart feels anger, your mind sends a signal through your body, making the back of your neck fire up and your chest feel as though it is caving in.
It really is amazing how people want what they can’t have.
When I clung to you
There was nothing to
Hold on tight with
You left me adrift
What now, what now, what now, what now?
"Why can’t I make you cry?"
I know that feel, John Cusack.